Unconscious attraction

There are very few things that give us the opportunity to reflect on ourselves and grow from these experiences as much as relationships and our interaction with the people we come in contact with. The kind of people we continually attract into our lives can teach us a lot about the issues and habits still active within us. The people we are attracted to are often a reflection of what we have going on within us on an unconscious level.

Attraction is a complex thing with many contributing factors but there are some things to look out for to help you grown and improve your relationships. Have you ever heard someone ask themselves: “Why do I always attract this kind of person into my life.”? Usually, they are complaining about particular character traits. We are attracted to the familiar so the people we are attracted to often reflect some character traits from a person we know or knew in the past, or they reflect something about ourselves that we see in others. There has been a lot of research done on habits, for example, the average person will continue listing to a song they do not like on the radio as long as it is familiar to them. The familiar we don’t like often feels more comfortable than something new even if the familiar is bad so it takes awareness and conscious choices to change this habit.

We rarely attract the kind of person that we want but rather the kind of person we are ready for in our current stage of emotional development. This is true for me as well. Years ago, after my divorce, my interaction with women often reflected my own fears and trust issues either through the other person’s actions or the emotions they triggered in me. Much of our communication is nonverbal so no matter what we say, people may be picking up a completely different message from us. This is part of what draws people to us or pushes them away.

When someone we meet causes us to judge them or creates a strong emotional response in us it can be a good opportunity to reflect and try to see what the other person is mirroring to us. If it is something we see as negative it is a great opportunity to consider what attracted us to this person and what issues we may still need to work through. Some people trigger our fears while others will cue a bad habit. So next time someone triggers negative emotions in you, instead of judging or reacting to them, reflect on what is happening inside you. Remember that you may have attracted this situation to you unconsciously. This turns the situation into an opportunity for personal growth rather than another drama.